“Back in January, I signed a lease for an apartment with my girlfriend. However, things have been a bit tense between us lately and I’ve been worried about moving in together. What if it doesn’t work out?”
Moving in with a girlfriend or boyfriend is a really big step. It’s serious commitment. I mean, it isn’t marriage, so it’s okay if it doesn’t work out, but it’s still a whole new world of situations and potential problems. If you’ve already signed a lease, then I’m guessing that you put some thought in this. Are you ready? Is she ready? Do you see this going somewhere? If you agreed to live together, then you must have answered yes to most if not all of these questions. This is the good news. Unless you’re incredibly flighty, you agreed to do this for a reason. You agreed to live together because you think it will work, or at least you did. Maybe you’re going through a rough patch or maybe you haven’t been getting enough sleep so you’ve been acting out a bit. Either way, you need to tap into the reasons why you wanted to move in with this girl in the first place. You need to remember the moment where you felt 100% sure of yourself. It’s normal to second guess yourself. Everyone does it. It’s how you deal with those moments of doubt that define you as a person. Sure, maybe this relationship isn’t going to work out and maybe moving in together is a terrible idea, but honestly if you don’t make this mistake then you’ll just wonder, “What if I had?” You need to think, you need to remember what it is about this relationship that made you think, “This will work,” and then you need to take a deep breath and jump. If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t, but you’ll never know until you really, really try. Don’t back out because you’re worried. Try.
Faith“This past week my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants to be friends, but I don’t think I’m ready. What should I tell him?”
Break-ups are tough. We’ve all been there. It’s probably just about one of the most relatable problems in the world. Especially when you’re the one being dumped. No one has a good time sitting around wondering what went wrong, but you have to remember in times like these that break-ups happen. They just do. No matter who you are, no matter how your life was working out for you, they just do and it’s moments like these where you remember exactly the type of person you are. These moments define your personality, your strength as an individual. Particularly when an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be ‘friends.’ First of all, you have to consider the situation. Did you two break-up on good terms or was it messy? Did one of you cheat? Was it a toxic relationship? If it was, then you should probably seriously think about being friends before jumping into a platonic relationship with this guy. You don’t want to end up more upset than you already are and sometimes relationships end because they have to, not because he was a jerk or because you did anything wrong, but because your personalities didn’t mesh. Toxic relationships happen all the time and the best thing to do when you’re part of one is to say goodbye. It’s the best for both of you. However, if it was just your run-of-the-mill break up, if it just “didn’t work out,” because of differences in opinions or desires, then maybe you should give it a chance. Maybe the closeness of a romantic relationship wasn’t right for you two, but maybe a platonic one will work. Just keep the communication open. Talk to him. Tell him this. Tell him you’re a little upset and you need some time to yourself. People only get defensive when you’re defensive, so keep your voice steady, but make sure you’re honest. It’s hard, but you have to find the place in between avoiding the problem at hand and getting aggressive with him. Try to talk it out. If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand